Fire

I don't know how many songs there needs to be about fire, but I just wrote the next one! It's a poppy, bouncy, bluesy up paced joint about finding your voice.

Here are the lyrics...

It certainly was a shocker, when I said what I would do.
It was such a surprise for you and me too.
With my head in my hands, the words flew out my mouth....

I've been tolerating, justifying
situations that I hate
just because I was broken.
And I wanted you to know that I'm on

Fire,
in my bones and my feet.
I'm jumping higher,
from the depths of the deep.
When you look from the left to the right,
I'm just smoking and it's burning and
it's turning me hot like
Fire. Fire.

That was the first day I turned my life around.
I must have gotten out of bed with my feet off the ground.
I went from victim to victor in two seconds flat...
 

I'm not tolerating, justifying
situations that I hate.
I refuse to be your victim.
And I wanted you to know that I'm on

Fire,
in my bones and my feet.
I'm jumping higher,
from the depths of the deep.
When you look from the left to the right,
I'm just smoking and it's burning and
it's turning me hot like
Fire. Fire.

I've been going through a process of emotional, spiritual, mental, and psychological healing for about 4 years at the time of this writing. I erroneously learned that others could determine my validity, importance, and presence in this world. I thought others could make me invisible through their actions and the way they treated me. My Dad gave me the silent treatment off and on all my life. Sometimes it would last for a few days, other times it would last for weeks and months. He would get upset about something and just not talk to me or acknowledge me. He treated me like I didn't exist. He never would explain what he was upset about, why he was upset, and never once gave me a chance to address what had upset him so much.  Make no mistake silent treatment is emotional abuse. It is a form of emotional violence that can cause serious negative effects to the victim.  As a result of that treatment, I was not able to develop a strong, healthy sense of self-worth and self-confidence. It made me feel like I was worthless. I had suicidal thoughts as a teenager. I seriously contemplated running away. I battled with feeling depressed and alone more times than I can count.

After a final run-in with my Dad's silent treatment tactics, I decided I didn't want to be a part of that cycle anymore. I had just battled an explosive migraine attack and I was committed to pursuing health holistically as part of an overall lifestyle including being healthy emotionally. I could no longer afford to have my sense of self-worth and value be constantly challenged. So I said I wasn't doing it anymore. I'm no longer tolerating that behavior. It was a fiery move that had its own set of consequences, but I was willing if it meant not being emotionally abused any longer. I finally found my voice. There's no justification for abuse and I am not here for it.

If you resonate with what I'm saying and have gone through similar situations of your own whether it be a parent, family member, significant other, co-worker/boss, or even a friend know that you are worth every iota of skin you're in. You are here for a reason.

If you need help finding yourself/voice, make no mistake, it's a long road to recovery. But it's so worth it!

These resources helped me tremendously...

Progress through Process - YouTube Channel for helping you deal with a Narcissist Luke 17:3 Ministries (For Adult Daughters of childhood abuse |Christian) Boundaries - a book about establishing healthy, safe boundaries in every relationship.